$&@!?&$

Waaaaaaah. The pain in my hip is from the rod that was put in my femur last August. It's broken, bent by the force of walking on it with the fracture. How in the world does titanium break? No idea, I'm still baffled myself. I had an appt with the ortho onco people yesterday, and at first felt like they were going to tell me it was muscular, and needed physical therapy, I was so hoping for that. Then, they called in dr rozier, a big dog, and he put 2 X-rays side by side; one current and the other from right after surgery last year. I could only see a slight difference, but his expert eyes saw more and he felt strongly that the rod had bent and was probably broken. CT scan this am confirmed his suspicions and I'm on crutches, wheelchair to avoid putting any weight on it. It's pretty much impossible, and so painful. I can't believe I hafta have surgery again. Fuck. Have an appt tmw to discuss surgery. I'm assuming ASAP. Why couldn't this happen in the winter when I would just miss work?! I don't wanna change any of my plans for the summer, none of the trips we have planned, I refuse! I'll ride in the rv and sit in my wheelchair if I hafta. Col, you'll help me go potty and shower won't you?! Fuuuuuuuck.

Xeloda is workin!

News from PET scan is awesome, the oral chemo med Xeloda is doing its job and getting my spots under control:) my onc very happily told me last week that several of the spots that were hyper metabolic last scan are much less so, or completely gone leaving just a scar behind. Now that's not to say the cancer is gone, it's just kicked back to a lower gear for now while it figures out a way past the xeloda. With a little luck, I'll be able to stay on this med for awhile, it'll keep working and the side effects will stay manageable. Right now it's just desert dry hands and feet, lovely and scaly and ugly ripped off nasty lookin toenails. I've considered saying I'm a ballerina or a marathon runner to explain them- so much sexier than cancer! I'll have PET scans every 3 months to make sure it's still working. Even the lesions on my liver, the ones that worry me the most, are responding well. Yahoo! I'm struggling with my hip the last few weeks. At first I thought it was my knee, then the rod in my femur, finally pinpointed the pain to my hip and then it kinda radiates from there. I can hear the screw or pin or whatever it is clicking and sometimes it reaches out and grabs me and the pain is intense- takes my breath away. But then it goes away and I'm fine...weird. Have dr appt with orthopedic onc on Wednesday, so I'm looking forward to finding out exactly what's wrong and how soon can they fix it cuz its no fun hobbling around. Makes me feel old!! Anyway, send some good thoughts on Wednesday if you think of it, I'm hoping it's muscular and I just need some physical therapy or something easy...no surgery. Thanks!

PET scan today

Hello! On my way to have my iv placed then on to PET scan. Theyll find out today if the Xeloda is working or not. Will said this am kinda lose lose situation cuz I'm hating the side effects but I want it to work! Ah well, it's out of our hands. See see what the docs say:) I'll post as soon as I know, my oncologist appt isnt til next week but I'll call and bug her tomorrow. Send good thoughts!! Jen

Poor me!

Waaaah! My hands are SO sensitive- its crazy! Typing on my iPad doesn't bother me, thank goodness, but almost everything else does. I'm constantly putting lotion and bengay and creams on my hands hoping to stave off the dryness that seems to be the cause of the sensitivity. Plus, I had a little incident with Sasha, Alex's friend:) she accidentally stepped on my toe, the toe that had a toenail that was barely hanging on, and caused a little bloody drama.ive never seen blood bubble out before...it was bubbling out of my toe and filled up my Birkenstock! Anyway, now I have the sexiest feet ever, bits and pieces of toenail and gross looking skin. Attractive. Poor Will, he's a fussy boy when it comes to pedicures and there's nothing I can do for my feet right now. My little nail person would run screaming, I'm sure. What else? Oh my eyes and nose are constantly running trying to compensate for how dry they are.so I look like I have severe allergies on top of everything else! Woohoo! Please cross fingers for me that this xeloda is working and all this drama is worth it. I can't cross my fingers...hurts! You do it.. Thanks:)