not so happy

Had my 2nd dose of Doxil on Monday, a shot of Neupogen on Tuesday....and a dose of kick my butt yesterday and today:(
I'm not nauseated, so i really am trying not to be a baby, i know it could be much worse, but my back is  not happy!! It feels like someone removed my spine from my body, cracked it like a whip or one of those pretty ribbons in gymnastics, then put it back in.  Every time i change from seated to standing (which is a lot!!!) or vice versa, it takes my breath away as it ripples around in there.   Goes away after maybe 15-20 seconds.  NOT. HAPPY.
I'm gonna make an appointment for a massage soon, and I have lots of fancy pain relief creams and whatnot to try from my chemo care package:) Plus Suzi and Curt gave me 2 more massage gift certificates - yeehaw:) I love being spoiled.  I don't love being in pain tho, and i guess i've gotten off easy up 'til now...it's funny because at my last dr appt, they asked, as they always do, how my pain level was, and i said it was great! I was actually starting to wonder if i should decrease my pain meds...oopsy, guess not! Thank goodness for pain meds. And loving husbands;)

Sexy Side effects

Hi! Just wanted to check in, let you know that I'm doing well; had a rough couple days but things are looking up today.  Last week I had awful mouth and throat sores, could barely eat (funny, didn't lose a single pound), and it hurt to talk! Took the weekend to recover and am much better now, took a couple days to resolve and now just have a little soreness still when i swallow, but not bad.  My hands and feet are sucking up loads of lotion; i had to take my wedding rings into the jewelers to have them cleaned cuz of all the lotion i apply:) hafta be more careful. I bought special gloves to wear at night, and that coupled with the wrist brace I wear for carpal tunnel, plus the mouth and throat sores - sexy!

I received an amazing Chemo care package from my friends at RIT!!:) So thoughtful and sweet, it made me so happy! I got several kindle books, a blankie with Will and Jennifer stitched on it that I'll bring to my treatments, honey, cough drops, socks for my poor feet, lotions, candy for my sweet tooth, and lots of other little things, PLUS a massage gift certificate from Human Touch Initiative! woohoo!!  Kathy, Kathy, Miriam and Colleen, you're awesome friends and such a great support system for me! Thank you all!!!

I have received 2 other HTI certificates and used them in the past 2 weeks:) Thanks so much to my Dad:) and Cheryl, I can't even begin to explain how much a massage does for me, body and soul, and I'm so grateful for your generosity.  Now I have another one!!!

Oh, i forgot, I went to get my hair cut yesterday, and I'm a source of amazement at the salon:) I had my hair colored about 3 months ago, and somehow I no longer need to have it colored - my natural brown has returned, thank goodness, and i have a couple grays here and there, but no skunk stripe :) and i cant even tell it was colored at all.  Voodoo? i wonder... chemo may make it thin (MORE sexy), but it shouldn't fall out on the current chemo regimen.

So many tragedies in the world and in my world this week...keeps me humble and grateful. Merry Chrsitmas!

Yesterday after chemo, while I was eating my captain crunch, Alex interrupted her lecture on my poor eating habits and out of the blue asks me if going through all this treatment is really worth it? So, my first response is to tear up of course, lucky I could pretend to be very interested in my crunch berries   I said well, the past 5 years I've been on one kind of treatment or another, so I have to say yes, it's been worth it to be here for the past 5 years for me and for you:) I wouldn't have wanted to miss them, so I hafta keep doing treatment since it prolongs my life. She worries about me, I can see it, and I'm so grateful she talks to me about it. I really am living on borrowed time, I think about that often, and I think it kinda feeds my denial that anything could really happen to me. Anyway, none of this is to say that 5 years is enough, I can die happy cuz that's certainly not true. I'm just feeling blessed:) thank goodness for Alickus:)

so far, so good...

At the risk of jinxing myself :) i'm feeling well so far. The infusion was no big deal, only 75 minutes with premeds of dexadron and compazene which seem to be doing their job at keeping nausea at bay.  I had an echocardiogram to check my heart function before they give me chemo, and all was well.  im so healthy, except...:) Thanks for all the good wishes and love - it keeps me going! Will was with me all day, which was all i needed. We are home now i have to go back to the hospital for a shot of Neulasta, which i need to research a little.  I think it's to help my bone marrow make more blood cells but not sure. Am hoping the side effects horror stories i've heard don't apply to little old me. Fingers crossed!

Doxil, here i come...

Onc finally called me back, they've decided that i should go on Doxil and im going to start the first treatment tomorrow at 1230. i hafta go for an echocardiogram first, then to see the doc and see the PET scan results, then on to treatment. So, send me good vibes!!!

Here we go again...

PET scan results are bad, doc said significant diffuse progression, liver, spine, pelvic bones. NOT what we wanted to hear. So, no more Xeloda, she's considering 3 different meds, taking the time between now and next appointment 11/29 to determine which one best for me.  If you feel like doing some research, I'd love to hear what you find! The 3 options are: Ixabepilone (Ixempra), Eribulin, and Doxil.  Apparently the Doxil is one of the chemos that there has been a recent shortage of (good english i know), so that may be off the table - see what the pharmacy says.   I've been checking my support group website, Inspire.com, for other folks' experience with these drugs, and it sounds like Ixempra is pretty rough on the body. Off to check on the other 2 now.
As always, I need your good vibes:) My numbers were up last week, so i had a feeling this was coming, but it's still shocking to know i've blown thru another treatment, from a limited list of possible meds that keep me alive.  Please keep us in your prayers.  

hiya!

It's been awhile - not much happening cancer-wise, which is always a good thing.  Tomorrow I have a PET scan so seemed like a good idea to ask you all for your prayers. My markers were up at my appointment last week, so i'm kinda going in expecting that the chemo has stopped working.  But not really cuz i live in denial and i figure i'll be fine:) Anyway, tomorrow afternoon around 2ish, send anti cancer vibes my way please.  Thanks!!!